And speaking of stereotypes of British vs. American culture and humo(u)r...

Thanks to my friend Laura (who is studying about 12 miles away at Lloughborough University) for forwarding this to me. I got a chuckle out of it.

A (fictional, obviously) letter from the Queen:

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist,then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
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13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
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God Save the Queen!

The "comforts" of home abound in unlikely form.

I love the fact that, here in Leicester, I have the chance to continually meet a ton of different people from a whole slew of countries. What this also means is that I spend a lot of time talking about US politics and what people's misconceptions of Americans are (and which ones hold some truth) - and they are always really fun conversations. But it has also made me more aware of the odd bits of American culture that find their way over, either through TV (yay, Grey's Anatomy and Dukes of Hazzard!) or media or what have you, that lend to those impressions.

Along that vein, I've been highly amused by the variety of American references that show up on shop signs in this city, many of them state-specific. More often than not, the form they take seems to oddly miss the mark of what would actually be worthy of transcending continents. Now I don't mean the obvious or inevitable, like McDonalds or Starbucks or KFC (all here). What I mean is, if you had to pick just a handful of uniquely American things (of the edible persuasion, in particular) that were truly awesome enough to deserve being distributed for the greater good, I wouldn't have pegged any of the following as fitting those qualifications...

For example, I wouldn't expect to see a reference to the state of Maryland just out and about in Leicester. But if I did, I would assume that whatever it was that had made it all the way across the pond would be something exceedingly superb that also embodied that for which Maryland is most famous. Perhaps I'm wrong about this, but to me, that would be seafood; more specifically, the fabulous crabcake. If there is one translatable food idea from Maryland that should be well-known enough to make it to Leicester, I would expect it to be crab related. So you can understand why I had a bit of a chuckle when I saw this:
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm sure that there is plenty of delicious fried chicken to be found in Maryland - but when I think fried chicken, I don't generally think of Maryland... it's not even in the South (okay okay, as a Southerner I might be a little biased about proper fried chicken, but I readily admit that)! And it's even funnier, because apparently it is a really popular "late night, after the pub" eatery. Priceless.

But I'm getting ahead of myself - because I did find a little place around the corner from campus that claims to sell "Southern Fried Chicken." Hooray! They're finally on to something. However, in general, if I'm going to associate a chef's name with authentic fried chicken, then I want it to be something like Mama Dip at Mama Dip's or Jestine at Jestine's Kitchen. And even that is rather unnecessary, since "Southern Fried Chicken" stands alone as fairly self-explanatory (and delicious, especially with waffles, but that's another discussion). This sign, however, makes me a little skeptical of the "Southern" quality of the chicken. Does this restaurant name fail to scream "home" and "like grandma used to make" to anybody else?
Now, back to the topic of seafood. There are so many great places in the US to get good, fresh seafood. And come to think of if, considering how much coast they have, there should be plenty in England as well. Personally, the ideal seafood obtainment situation involves being able to buy wild caught shrimp right off the boat (Ooh, how I miss you, Cherry Point, SC) to take home and boil up with a bit of Old Bay... or popping into a great local restaurant in a coastal town for some scrumptious shrimp'n'grits or freshly grilled grouper. So why, in the name of everything that is holy, did the owners of this establishment choose to evoke the image of a land-locked city in the middle of a desert in order to aid in the selling of fish? Somebody's geography teacher has some splainin' to do.
Now, it has nothing to do with food, but after seeing this place, I want to know exactly what American Nail Care for Ladies & Gentlemen entails, and why you cannot normally get it in other countries...I mean, other than the occasional pedicure with my sister, I don't spend much time in nail parlors. Perhaps I should go to an English nail place and then this place and compare? And yet somehow that notion just isn't so appealing... hmmm. Dilemma. Perhaps this goes into the records as one mystery we just don't solve. Kind of like the Great Poo Caper of 2004. We'll never know who was responsible for that one, will we? Oh well.

Freshers' Flu, times two!

So when freshers (a fancy term for freshmen) move into the dorm for the first time, they usually get sick at least once in the first few weeks. Just a cold, normally, but it comes with the territory of stuffing so many young'ins in the same place - all those lovely germs packed into high density housing where the unclean masses share lager glasses and participate in other microbe-sharing activities.

They call this phenomenon "Freshers' Flu," and even though I don't generally come into contact with too many freshers, I have so far enjoyed this wonderful experience not once, but twice! I've concluded that I must be doubly susceptible, as my my body is used to USA-grown bugs, not these sneaky foreign UK bugs. But nothing too serious so far... a sore throat the first week, a few days respite, and now a new sore throat with a bit of a cough tagged onto it. Awesome.
In any event, I decided I should probably register with the University's "Surgery" (health center) just in case I found myself in need of a doctor at some point. Turns out, the folks down at surgery are big proponents of the meningitis vaccine. Somehow I've gone my whole life without one of these, so they set me up with an appointment during which they plan to remedy my susceptibility to the lovely Meningococcus bacterium. I suppose it's a good idea - if all of the dire warnings that cover our complimentary kitchen calendar, such as "know the symptoms - meningitis kills," are true, it's probably wise to take precautions against this unfortunate yet preventable deadly disease. Sigh. I hate shots. And I'm not even a freshman!

Nothing to do with England...

But it needed posting. My sister's dear friends Debbie and Kevin just got married. And because neither was keen on doing a typical "first dance" as husband and wife, they decided to learn the choreography to the dance of another well known couple. And I must say, I'm sorry I missed it. Thank goodness for youtube, and thank you Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey, for giving us the time of our lives, so that Debbie and Kevin could give it to us all over again.

Is it odd to be excited by textbooks?

Renewable Energy (It's physics, engineering, use, environmental impacts, economy and planning aspects) by Sorensen, Bent - ₤27.75
Renewable Energy by Boyle, Godfrey - ₤26.75
Natural Resource and Environmental Economics by Perman, Roger - ₤32.55
Environmental Science in Building by McMullan, Randall - ₤20.55

Four nerdy textbooks
= ₤107.60 (~$210.00)

Being this excited about textbooks
= Priceless!!

Okay, so it's a cheesy rip off of Mastercard's overused ad template, but hey, borrowed clever is better than none at all.

In any event, I had my first two classes this week, and I have to say I am simply thrilled and still a little amazed that (a) I actually managed to find (and get in to) a master's course focused on pretty much exactly what I want to learn (with only a little extraneous material) and (b) that it's off to a strong start with the first two modules, both of which promise to kick my butt, and be really engaging. AWESOME.

For each of the next six weeks, I have one solid day (9:30-5:00, Wednesdays) of 'Renewable Energy' and a second solid day (9:30 -5:00, Thursdays) of 'Sustainable Development.' A good bit of the rest of the week will be spent reading material, working on assignments, and preparing for those structured days. The schedule actually feels a little overwhelming, believe it or not, but if you haven't already surmised, I'm really excited.

Renewable Energy this week was a general introduction and overview - the carbon cycle, the energy cycle, various energy flows and pathways, and a broad look at the available alternative and renewable energy technologies that we'll be focusing on in depth. We even busted out with some energy formulas and units that I haven't thought about since my last Physics class. Please say I stored all that stuff away somewhere safe in the deep dark depths my brain. That would be helpful.

Sustainable Development was a little bit more theoretical - we discussed the origins of the term and our own preconceived notions of its meaning, then looked at the history and milestones of the global political 'sustainability' movement and compared the varying opinions of what exactly the idea entails. Toward the end we got more scientificy (not a word, I know, but it should be) and looked at some of the statistics on poverty, global wealth inequity and what it would mean to address sustainability on a worldwide scale. It was really interesting, especially since the goal, apparently, is to take a scientific approach to figuring out how the idea of sustainable development is best realized and applied to the climate change struggle. Oh, and we're also going to work on our "critical appraisal" skills. That should be interesting...

And there you have it - WAY more detail than anybody would want to know about my first week of school, but I'll post it anyway and you can just skim down to the funny pictures of the Englishman's butt.

English Pride

Shows up in the most interesting of places...I suppose it's an improvement over common American shorts-displayed terms like "juicy" or "brat", but somehow I couldn't resist taking a picture.GO ENGLAND!!